Dodie Bellamy first turned me on to Ariana Reines two and a half years ago after she took me to see Rape of the Sabine Woman. I don’t remember exactly why Ariana was brought up while we drove through the rain and excitedly discussed the show we had just watched and became part of, but I am very thankful the name was dropped. When I got home I did some googling and found excerpts of “The Cow” posted online. I read the excerpts and immediately a fascination developed. Flash forward a few years and after much online stalking and book buying, I finally got to meet her after the staging of the second act of her play TELEPHONE which took place at the Guggenheim museum last fall.

This past year Ariana Reines has been segueing into music and more performative acts. Recently this manifested with her opening for one of my all time favorite bands and biggest crushes Psychic TV. When I found out Ariana was opening up for Psychic TV, I approached her and asked her to do an interview on the subject. Two days before the show, she read poems at The Red Horse Cafe as part of the P.O.D. reading series. As she opened up her reading, she gushed, “it’s really weird that I’m opening for Psychic TV and I’ve had the shits for the past 3 days so if I have to suddenly run off stage at any moment that’s what’s happening.” Later that night my life went up in flames, my long term girlfriend suffered a minor injury during her fire performance and we broke up. I too was suddenly in the shits… two days later Psychic TV cleansed my soul. By the time we got to a diner with Ariana, about four days later, my life had completely come undone. Dodie Bellamy posted the story I wrote about it all here.

When we first met up with Ariana for the interview, I was extremely nauseaus and unsure how I could function fully enough to work out a descent interview. But Ariana and JT were great. She annointed me with sandalwood oil and JT fed me lamb. Originally we set out to focus the interview on what it’s like to share the bill with Psychic TV but Ariana is such a major person, working on so many varied projects and giving so much of her energy to the world that it proved impossible to keep the interview tied to just one inspired subject. It brings J.T. and I immense pleasure to bring to you all an interview with the fabulous Ariana Reines.

MP: We finally get to interview you! How did you get in contact with Psychic Tv? What is your relationship with them like?

AR: It’s such an honor because I love you both. I first met Eddy their drummer two and a half years ago by chance. I had gone to see them before Lady Jaye died at the Bowery Ballroom. It was one of a few concerts I went to in my life alone. Because no one I was friends with was interested at the time, I don’t really know why. It’s funny I was talking to Eddy about this the other night. I’m in between a lot of things in my life and there are a lot of little worlds that don’t seem to spill over into each other even though I think they should and Psychic TV for me and Genesis Breyer P-Orridge is one, I don’t know, four or five years ago when I realized that Genesis Breyer P-Orridge existed, I happened to have the money and found out about the show and was able to go to the show all in time which usually doesn’t happen for me since I usually find out about things after they happen. Two years later I made friends with Eddy, we have the same birthday.

MP: Cool.

AR: A year ago Genesis and Eddy and Bryin were going to do a performance at the Issue Project Room but Genesis had to go into the hospital that day, and it was sort of a strange semi-cursed day in many ways. I hadn’t met Genesis and then she had this sudden lung inflammation, so Mal-O-Mar nite turned out to be the writers and Holy Shit but no Thee Majesty and Holy Shit was amazing, though of course we missed Thee Majesty. It was just sorta this tacit thing, I guess Eddy gave her some of my books.

MP: And Genesis must have loved them.

AR: I don’t know. We never discussed it. And then I was on the bill. I don’t really know what went on on their end of things. Is that an answer?

MP: Yes! Earlier we were talking about how people pay to go and see things, people spend time and plan to get tickets ahead of time, schedule the night off to give themselves to something, to take part in an experience but you get there and it seems so many people are just there to act like they’re hanging out at their local bar…

AR: Can I interject?

MP: Yeah, of course…

AR: Well a friend and I were talking the other night, she was the person I went to see Marina Abramovic’s “Seven Easy Pieces” with. I don’t know if you two know about this, but in 2005 Marina did I think seven nights of performances at the Guggenheim. Many of the performances were extremely violent and very difficult. But for me the most violent and difficult thing to bear about the performances was that people were talking throughout the performances. People talked like they were at any other sort of gathering where sophisticated people talk, like they were at the races, or if you have ever read Edith Wahrton she describes how high society people talked through the Opera. It’s like this is how a sophisticated acculturated place functions.

For me what was interesting and devastating about the Five Easy Pieces performances was that I felt she was providing an example of a kind of concentration that is lost to the world. I don’t know if you’ve ever seen her perform but she has an extraordinary amount of energy which she can communicate to those people who are really there, really there. Of course many people have a very powerful experience of her performances, and the internet has helped to document this; perhaps it has become more popular to offer oneself to her as her fame has grown? I don’t know. But I remember in 2005, it was a very peculiar situation. The Guggenheim was totally crowded, and it was this combination of a chic meet-and-greet and a space of radical emotional and psychical upheaval. It is not just that what she did or simply how she was made people cry.

My first time being in the New York Times happened then, by the way, not that this matters and they didn’t know who I was, but I yelled, “You don’t have to do this again” in a very wrung moment that bizarrely made it into the review of the show. She was cutting her stomach open and from one of the high coils of the Guggenheim a man yelled back “yes you do” and I started sobbing uncontrollably and ran out of the building, having definitively experienced the most overpowering trauma and elecrification ever inflicted on me by art. It was the most powerful experience I had ever had from a live art experience.

I turned my life upside down for a year forcing myself into what had made that experience so enormous for me. And not just for me. It seemed to me that her concentration and her generosity were a colossal triumph, because in many ways she in these performances was also merely a kind of centerpiece for high culture to rotate around like a carousel of painted ponies bobbing up and down. Like at a fine dinner there may be a centerpiece with plums and candles or whatever. Or a giant Thanksgiving turkey. And that was her. Or a maypole that people circulate around. And that is often what art is for people. And that’s also what ritual is. So it functions on both a low social level and on a very high level. And most of the people, or lets say half, are there to participate in it socially. But there are other people there that want to participate on another level or who cannot help it, who are hungry, whose souls are hungry.

I mean, opening for Psychic TV was weird….

MP: It’s an interesting thing to hear you talk about. Do you find yourself ever participating in something where you feel like your more taking part in the ritual aspect or do you go to something more because you want to give yourself fully to it.

AR: Because of what New York has become for me, I tend to just go to things that I really want to be apart of. I go if I want to drink in every last drop. It was strange for Psychic TV that the crowd wasn’t that familiar with the band or what Genesis has stood for or the people Genesis has been.

MP: And that’s what Psychic TV is all about, making the connection.

AR: Yeah, well it seems like the people that are in NY right now, I just had this strong Arts Administrative vibe. For my part of the performance I wanted to be confrontational and divide people. I wanted to keep it on a high level. But I think I was also a little bit psycho and possessed. I got up there and drank some rum and looked out and just hated. I think I had this idea that like many of the musicians I admire have this way of confronting absolutely themselves or the public and never being their slave. And people hated me! And I hated them too, I thought there were a lot of fugly anomie-ridden creeps in there. I’m guessing ninety percent of people hated me, but the merch guy told me some dude went right up to the table after my ‘controversial’ set and put down $100 cash for Coeur de Lion. I thought that was funny. I can’t imagine walking into a show with a hundred dollar bill, let alone spending it on some cranky weirdo’s troubadour poem. Anyway, learning to be ugly and be loathed, it was an experience…

MP: At your reading last week you read the “I Can’t Wait” poem which you also read at the Psychic TV show. I really love that poem, I think it’s fantastic. Did you first publish it on your blog?

AR: Thank you! I wrote that in about two and a half minutes and posted it on my blog so I don’t really consider it published.

GROUP LAUGHTER

MP: As a writer I’m wondering about your ideas in regards to posting stuff online, right now I’m reading Keith Haring’s journals so my mind is really on him right now and everything he stood for and he writes on and on about how terrified he was of computers, are you worried about people biting your style or appropriating it or whatever.

AR: That doesn’t really bother me. The main reason I started the blog was after I came back from Haiti, I was in LA and I just had a bunch of experiences, I had just walked through ten different worlds and the internet just seemed basically the same as LA. I don’t really know what Keith Haring had to say about computers though I used to be a real Luddite….

MP: He felt like the computer is going to shut down the human imagination.

AR: Well in some ways it really does!

MP: I think the internet also takes away the idea of a gate keeper, it allows anything to be published. The internet allows people to read and read and go to the furthest recesses of the human psyche that no one would ever publish and I find that really fantastic and beautiful.

AR: You’re so right. I think thats really beautiful too. And frankly I think the internet has made it so you don’t really have to go to college because you can find so much online. There are so many things that used to be distanced and could only be accessed through privilege. But there is also so much meanness and garbage on the internet.

MP: Of course, but I kind of love the garbage.

AR: But there are also many mysteries and kinds of knowledge that you can’t get on the internet that you have to go out into the world to get. And I mean, do you ever get disappointed when you meet some like colossal internet personality and it’s like some kind of gamer thing, the person is actually this quivering idiot with very little, um, personhood? I mean, the internet is great, there are these beautiful mind holes, I can’t deny that my thoughts and the forms of them are affected and afflicted by it all, but… Oddly a reason I started my blog was because I had gone to some really deep and dark places that you can’t just access because you want to, you have to be lucky enough to just find yourself there and woman enough or man enough to assume the burden of them…. I wanted to put things together that don’t necessarily fit together in the same place for a little while. Does that make sense?

MP: Do you mean you’re looking to be able to put similar things in the same place? Like a place to gather ideas?

AR: Well, for the last four years I’ve written books and I’ve only thought in terms of a full book or a completed play. I had stopped writing little poems. I was only thinking in terms of larger pieces and the blog has helped me write poems again. A lot of people have very specific blogs, they compartmentalize their blogs; this is where I put my design ideas, or this is where I put my recipes. Even though people are very creative they end up compartmentalizing. But I wanted to be able to put different kinds of things in one place, like this is where I put my menstrual blood or I put who I slept with, though it’s become harder now.

MP: Why?

AR: It was easier in LA because I felt removed. I find it more difficult now. I don’t know. I get this weird surveilance paranoia in New York. Like I’ll get these text messages like, did I just see you on the A train? Was that you on Second Avenue? And I get all spooked like, is there any private space, man I should really get rid of these glasses… I just like being able to feel lost in a crowd sometimes, and all the transparency and brutal honesty can make people feel pinned down in a kind of cruel way. I mean, because I don’t like the feeling myself I’m aware also of ways that my own writing can make other people feel like some kind of specimen in a rather sadistic science experiment, and I don’t want to do that to others either… I dunno. I find it much harder to write about some things in the blog, though I put the fragments of fiction that I can stand to, and sometimes I really ratchet up my courage….

MP: The other reason why I’m interested in your blog is because I know in the past you’ve self published work that you felt needed to be published due to a sense of urgency. When you published “My Heart Laid Bear” you spoke at a reading about how urgently it needed to exist. I’m wondering if you feel the same urgency when you post on your blog.

AR: It’s funny because that’s kind of changing. And of course, MY HEART LAID BARE isn’t written by me, it’s by Baudelaire, and it isn’t really a book, but it’s these fragments that are really about the obscenity of the everyday. Baudelaire is attacking the obscenity of the daily news, the cheapness and herd-mentality of common journalism and the way people sort of cluster around and rally around ideas in this very cheap, obscene and daily way. He had been hung out to dry as this emblem of total obscenity, and he was saying that what was truly obscene was the state and the dominant culture, and I wanted to bring that voice forward, because I feel like there’s an aspect of internet life that only enhances people’s mob tendencies. I want to break up the mob! Also, with Mal-O-Mar I was really specifically concerned with making physical objects. With Cour-de-Lion, which you haven’t read….

MP: Someday!

AR: Yes someday! I really specifically did not want Cour-de-Lion online. One of the things it does in its style is it mimics the blog writing style which was sort of everywhere in 2007 and it’s everywhere now. But at the time it still felt new enough, I thought it was a great way to tell a lot of jokes about confessional poetry and how people write to each other, especially on the internet. So urgent is a weird thing because yeah 1500 copies are gone now and some people did manage to get it in time but if I really just wanted it out there it’d just be on the internet but it isn’t. I had this artisanal idea, like a microbrew. It was urgent for it to be a fully physically living thing in the world, not just a transmission in the ether. And the blog, honestly, I still enjoy it but it’s not as fascinating to me because I still prefer a really intense encounter with writing and art and if I can’t put something that is going to really fuck with me or really going to fuck with someone, it’s not interesting to me to just expose it. To go back to the Psychic TV situation, to me the important thing is to try and divide people, to try and bring people to some point of confrontation with themselves, or at least, totally selfishly, to bring myself to a point of confrontation with myself, and hope at least (if I’m in public or whatever) that this can be useful for somebody. You can’t do that every single day on the internet. I don’t want to say exactly what I did last night everyday. Sure I could put what me and whoever did last night and it’d be salacious but uh, not if that becomes the whole raison d’etre or whatever.

MP: In your last performance you started with some music, then went on to something else, a few seconds ago you were talking about putting different things in the same place on your blog and when you performed it wasn’t like you just gave a reading or just gave a performance or just acted as a cheerleader for something you really loved. Is that the only time you’ve portrayed a multifaceted persona or is that something you’re striving to do when you’re sharing your work.

AR: Oh I think I try to undercut any persona constantly… I dunno… I think what I resent most in people is there passivity and their willingness to consume. Why are people so willing to pay to watch somebody else take pleasure? I mean I love to hear music that I love or see something wonderful that somebody made but really, the more we watch the less we make. My best friend is always tracking how the advent of recorded music made people sing less, play less, I mean, everybody should sing, everybody should dance, everybody should write, everybody should play, and paint, and fuck, and laugh. Not just the rich people, not just the people who can afford plastic surgery, not just the people you read about. EVERYBODY!

Why are people willing to allow others to enjoy the pleasure that they should be seeking for themselves? It seems so silly. I see Americans as people who are perfectly happy to gawk at other people taking their pleasure and I think that it’s sick. So one of the things that I always try to do when I perform no matter what, every time I perform I do something that I’ve never done in a prior performance. Whether it’s a piece I’ve never read before or a way I’ve read the piece and that includes little dinky readings or places where there are like 500 people. I always do something I’ve never done before so I can grow from the experience. It also keeps me really present. Maybe it makes me suck sometimes and that’s good. I could never be a rock star and play the same song every night. I mean, I think that’s why rock stars go crazy. And Americans go crazy too because they do the same boring shit every day. So the thing that I always try to attack in myself and anyone that comes there because if your in the audience why should you just sit there, it’s why I always take questions, its why I always break the wall, I always disrupt the performance. I find a way to disrupt it myself, if somebody else isn’t going to disrupt it I will disrupt it myself.

MP: That’s very queer.

AR: Thanks! It’s very queer. I’m very queer. It’s boring otherwise. Right? People have this idea that they should just get what they paid for. It actually comes from sex work to be honest, maybe, maybe it comes from something deeper, but the experience of being like what’s your scene about or you decide the things your gonna do and your gonna get this much money and you manage to sell them the fantasy and get the money and good for you but there is this other side of me that is so anti capitalist. It’s more like fuck you, I’m not going to give you what you want, why should you just sit there and wait just because you paid your money like a good citizen and you expect to get what you paid for. It’s not a pair of slippers you bought online. A lot of the people who are in New York now a days whoever they are for whatever reason Genesis has now achieved art world street cred. I dunno, I could be wrong, but it seems like with the departure of the freaks the artworld started to enshrine her, and it’s good for her to get attention and credit for a lifetime of wrecking civilization, but also it’s sort of sad, like the artworld, I mean, it’s this weird escape valve for truly dangerous or revolutionary material…. I just feel suspicious of arts institutions and when and why they choose to enshrine or celebrate what… sometimes it seems like a public de-clawing, or de-fanging…, it’s like “okay, now that you’ve done all the really scary stuff we want to have you on our panel, you’re cool cuz you’ve been to all these places and pitched your life against so much that is enshrined garbage but now we want to enjoy you, we just want to enjoy you inside of our culture. Do people really have an engagement with what it means to try and overthrow things in their lives? I mean, I guess that is the deep danger at the heart of all art, no matter what museum it ends up sitting in, no matter how de-clawed the culture ever tries to make it. “You must change your life” is the secret message of all great art. But I guess there’s the people who just wanna take their picture of the mona lisa or claim they were at that famous sex pistols show… They just want to be like yeah I was there.

MP: It’s a notch on the belt… It’s so sad. It’s like people going to Mount Rushmore. It’s tourism. It’s terrible.

AR: It’s always been true. It’s always been part of media culture. It’s been true of every age.

MP: Do you think digital technology has made it into more of an epidemic?

AR: In a way Telephone was about that and so was the strange monologue “Your Mother and I” was about that. I do sort of have fundamentally Luddite roots and I do have an earth mother side. There’s a part of me that admits that this has been tremendously destructive to peoples ability to take their lives into their own hands. It’s actually created a passivity that is so radical it’s terrifying. We’ve all had beautiful experiences on the internet. There’s nobody who hasn’t had a love affair on gchat or an amazing experience on youtube, anyone sensitive has had amazing times online. But fundamentally art is a way of life and you cant spend all your time consuming other people, you just can’t, you have to consume yourself. It’s a hard thing to see sometimes.

MP: It’s like all these people are just showing up because it’s supposed to be cool and important even though they don’t understand it.

AR: That’s an age old truth of New York or any sophisticated place. But the really powerful artwork is always asking you and calling you to change everything. It’s the siren song that is deep and buried or right on the surface of the greatest things that have ever existed. They are calling you out of yourself. And that call is in our hearts too. And it is always calling and there are always some people who are ready to go.

MP: The other reason I wanted to juxtapose Keith Haring and you is due to Keith Haring’s commitment to helping the world. He felt isolated and outside of any movement. He describes in his book his dream to have a photo taken of him and children in everyplace he traveled to. He did mural projects with children of all walks of life all over the world and had a profound inner commitment to help children. He felt very different from the other artists of his time, he thought Andy Warhol greedy and a person to learn what not to do from.

AR: Andy Warhol was all about death but that is another subject….

MP: Keith Haring exuded so much energy and I see that in you as you went to Haiti to do humanitarian work and manage to produce so much artistic work – theater, written, and now song. How do you do it?

AR: That is such a beautiful question and such a lovely thing for you to connect…. I mean, oone of the things that I wrestled with a lot when I knew that I was going to Haiti was that a lot of disaffected artist wouldn’t understand what I was doing. Because if you’re an artist you’re against nature, right, you’re not a humanist. There’s this whole relationship that I had built up to literature my whole life that related it to evil in a sense because it’s an artifice I felt. Like it was interposing some remove between me and realness. I’ve always been very haunted by it. For some reason it runs in my family. Things like literature, drug use, alcohol, sex, all of those things have had a ritual power. I’ve never been able to be casual about them. Even when I tried as an adolescence. I desperately tried to act casual. I really really wanted to be but I could never be. I could never take things lightly. Like writing anything that had any relation to reality or a lived experience was always something I approached with the utmost caution. So going to do relief work in Haiti when I knew so many assholes were doing it, Sarah Palin was there yesterday, talk about a nightmare. Going there was something that I knew I had to do and the reasons for that run really deep and the people that I met there were able to recognize it immediately. Oddly enough I was working with children, and it’s funny you mentioned children, and I’m sorry but this is such a convoluted answer but it is a really really deep question. I was thinking about working with children the last two days because I’ve been corresponding with this man who works for the french red cross, oddly enough I’ve become his semi or sometime consultant even though I don’t have a degree in Caribbean History or anything like that but I’ve been talking with this man this man about psychosocial programs in Haiti that have been developed to address the panic caused the Cholera outbreak and a few things like that to deal with peoples trauma. Yesterday he sent me four pictures of children. When I was in Haiti I worked mainly with children and the second time with women. And its really great to work with children because if you have to work with traumatized people or people who have suffered horrific things, your state of mind is going to be better for working with children because they are amazingly resilient and there is a lot in there hearts no matter what horrific things they’ve seen or even done, they are still in touch with their hearts. Whereas adults who have experienced trauma close down. It’s more painful for adults, it’s worse. The heart closes down for a lot of people. I’m sorry this is such a long answer, to such a beautiful difficult question, but the work that I have done, whatever Telephone was, whatever my books are, if they’re sexual or queer or experimental or whatever, it tends to get lumped into the sophisticated anti-humanist type of people. Its not that I’m a humanist per-say, I guess I stopped denying that there is a sacred value in things and in people that I seek and that is most important to me. And that certainly includes children. It includes going toward the zone of suffering because thats where my family came from and thats what I grew up in and thats what I know best. There are terrible things that can happen even when you speak your heart or even when you speak the truth. No matter what. It was a slow thing to accept that I was never going to be just a sophisticated successful intellectual and that I wouldn’t ever want to be. I’m sorry but this is such a long thing to say.

MP: No it’s beautiful. Many artists only think about there work and their art and it seems like you’ve done that and have also heard the call of the world calling to you. Many people disassociate from giving back to the world, from everything that happens outside of their own creative process.

AR: I used to think that i’d get over it. When I was in the PHD program at Columbia people would always tell me not to worry about my mother or my brother and I used to guilt myself for not being able to just be really Scientology about it and just go for fame and fortune. As a teenager I really loved all these men, like James Joyce not going to Confession for his dying mother and the Marquis De Sade, and they often had a weird gayness about them and there’s Proust who was a mammas boy, but this attitude of like “I’m not going to do anything for you I’m going to be selfish” and I have been selfish in different ways there’s this certain kind of relationship with people that i’ve just never been able to overcome and its become part of the form of everything I do. David Wojnarowicz for example is someone whose writing made a really really big impact on me.

MP: Me too.

AR: We’ve talked before about him. There’s a lot of things about him that I really relate to but one of the things about him that really stands out is that in his writing he is never an asshole. Even when he is not into it, like when he writes about an encounter with someone, there’s this part in The Shadow of the American Dream where he talks about this guy he slept with a few times that was really into movies and David said he wasn’t into talking about movies, he preferred to talk about real life. He had this extraordinary way of writing with an intimacy that is almost cruel. You can see all the bad angles and harsh things of the truth but he is never petty or mean or small with his encounters with people. And he’s someone that goes toward pain too. Its not so much about being an activist or humanitarian or even having politics, its just following your heart. Which people do. People really do. I mean a lot of people don’t but some people really do.

MP: Why Haiti?

AR: Well wow, tough questions.

MP: Are they okay?

AR: Sure. Wow.

MP: What was your relationship to Haiti before the earthquake and how did that change it?

AR: Wow. Ok. I’ll really lay it all out here for you. Okay so before Haiti’s earthquake I read “Kathy Goes To Haiti” which is one of my favorite Kathy Acker books. And I had seen Maya Deren’s “The Living Gods of Haiti”, a film. I wrote about it a little bit that was excerpted on HTMLGIANT. Me and a boyfriend had sex to that movie, we weren’t watching it but the sound of it was playing and it was an oddly painful and memorable hate fuck in our relationship. It had this weird affect. When the Haiti earthquake happened I had just read “Just Kids”. I had just met Patti Smith because Michael Silverblatt invited me to meet her when he interviewed her for Book Worm. So I was there eating donuts while the interview happened. So that day Michael loaned me the copy of the book. And I was trying to end this relationship with the guy I was with. And I read “Just Kids” and started crying uncontrollably. I was having sobbing fits. I don’t remember the exact details. I was having these sobbing fits and then the earthquake happened and I thought “I have to go there.”

MP: That’s amazing! Since you’ve had all these amazing experiences this past year, what should the rest of us do? It seems you’ve heard the call of the sirens and are being carried away.

AR: The beauty of the American spirit, I look for it wherever I can find it. But I can’t always find it. Sometimes our lovers are nothing to us or our friends are preoccupied with bullshit and everything very dark. And I think that darkness is looming over the beautiful liberty that exists in an American Spirit.

MP: It’s so funny thinking about that knowing the statue of liberty is like two blocks away.

AR: And I’m thinking about American Spirits [cigarettes!]. One of the things that dismays me the most is the way poets are so awfully weak and dull and often such bureaucrats. And because I have had those offers and I’ve tasted what it feels like to be in those positions so I’m not speaking frivolously. When I say there is a difference staking your life against something or pretending you can serve two or three masters. I mean, money is always going to be a problem. Even rich people have money problems. Always going to be money trouble. Every great film no matter how big or small the budget has had money problems. Those things will always be there. Living in a physical body always poses problems, your gonna have to take a crap or cum too soon. It’s not always going to work out exactly in the beautiful way your soul feels it should and that comes with living in the physical world. Something that Claire Denis said to once to a student, she had asked us to introduce ourselves and this girl replied that for money I do this but I also do this. And Claire is like a real bulldog and laid into her for like an hour saying what do you mean for money one thing and for yourself another, you only have one life. It doesn’t mean you can only make one kind of work of art or only one thing. If you’re an artist really not just a person who is intelligent and sorta good at a few things, which a lot of people are. If your an artist you have to serve. And that means it has to mean your life and if you do that you will be happy because your serving. And now I’m speaking a little like Miss Cleo but it’s the truth because you will always know who you are or where you are. You can be totally various but can’t divide your soul.